All of us here ,today ,have no doubt been judged by someone ,or we ourselves have judged someone else. Whether it’s the way we look , how we talk, how we walk, how we act, what opinions we have, what we’re interested in.

My theory of why I judge is because of my expectations of how someone should be. Each of us here have different standards in which we expect someone to meet, and if they don’t , we judge them in a bad light and perhaps even cut them off. This can really have a negative impact on our lives and can ruin our relationships with those closest to us, because there isn’t a manual on how we should behave, you cannot control how someone should be.

I fiercely remind myself when I’m about to judge or make an opinion on someone , “ just because I wouldn’t do it, it doesn’t mean others won’t either” .

Yes the circumstances can be broadly different, for example, a woman choosing to wear a slightly shorter skirt. I can imagine a few images popped into your head along with a vague judgment of this woman. Or another example, a woman wearing a lot of makeup, what connotations come with that?

I’m not being sexist here, I have chosen women as my examples because as this room is filled with 100% women, we can all relate. But I am sure the same applies with men.

But ultimately, the only person wasting time and energy is YOU. If that woman is going to wear a short skirt, she’s going to wear a short skirt! If she’s going to have a face full of make up on, she’s going to have a face full of make up on! She’s busy being happy with her choice whilst you’re turning your nose up. What are we benefiting on by judging this woman? How does it influence you as a person and us as a society?

I know from experience judging a specific person only made me feel irritated. I didn’t want to feel that way, I didn’t want to be full of anger. So I routed my problems that I had with this person. My predicament was, jealousy, admiration, uniqueness.

We don’t know what goes on behind close doors. We don’t know the full extent of how our negative opinion can affect the decisions of what someone else makes. Personally, I don’t care what people think of me, I am who I am. But you may feel differently. I’m sure you can think of a time you’ve changed your appearance, or haven’t shared something online, or haven’t spoken up ,because you were afraid of being judged. My advice is, don’t change you, change the people you surround yourself with. People that care will accept you for who you are, not who they expect you to be.

I spent a lot of my time trying to ‘ fit in’ with people that only made me feel bad about myself, I exhausted myself by changing who I was to be someone they wanted me to be. It got me in a really bad place. I didn’t want to be a replica of them. I wanted to be me. No I didn’t immediately go on to find ‘ new friends’ . Firstly, I became my own friend. I decided to embrace my differences. This is what reflected my decision of ‘being a judge’ , I knew what it felt like, and I didn’t want to make someone else feel that way too.

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it is this, “ just because I wouldn’t do it, it doesn’t mean others won’t either”. With that mindset I guarantee it will allow your perspectives to change, whether it’s taking a step back from a situation resulting in anger and coming to a form of acceptance that not everyone will behave accordingly to how you want them to.

Or, if it makes you smile when you see that women wearing a short skirt and face full of make up, because she’s embracing herself. Either way, allow it to open your eyes before you’re quick to make a judgement.